Starving
by SwordStitcher
Summary: How does Riddler get his food? Between Joker, two face and Penguin hardly anyone else gets a look in. Easy. He steals it.


A/N: Surely, Riddler can't put up enough of a fight to get his hands on some food, between Penguin, Joker and Two Face. So how does he eat?

* * *

The problem with throwing food into a den of lions and telling them to share is, inevitably, they will not.

That was the problem with Arkham City. Too many people fought over the meagre rations and too few were fed.

Strange was as sadistic as anyone behind the wall. Unfortunately, he was pulling the strings.

Riddler really didn't have a lot of muscle, he used people when needed and he blackmailed where he could, but eventually, it descended to bribery. The currency of Arkham City was either information (of which they had plenty), or food (of which they had little).

Constantly on the brink of starvation did wonders for incentive.

In the Hideout, Riddler pulled up a map of the courthouse and beside it, the images being broadcast from the webcam.

Switch had to hand it to him. It was brilliant, but it didn't leave them a lot of time.

Nigma, however, was too busy crooning over his plan. 'I have it on good authority that the Cat is after Dent's little files. No doubt Dent already knows she's coming. While he's busy doing his abysmal courthouse routine, we'll be down in the cellar unloading the rations he's been hoarding for days.' He chuckled to himself. 'It's brilliant.'

Switch tapped commands into the keyboard, much to Riddler's annoyance. A profile shot opened next to the map and webcam. The man displayed wasn't overtly muscled but he'd managed to become one of Dent's most trusted gang members. A lieutenant. He was also on the Riddler payroll for the moment. 'Paxton would be useful here. He knows the layout, how these "Sessions" go. He's also got some moderate intelligence for a thug. He can be our in guy.'

'Yes, thank you.' He pushed her out of the way and his fingers cupped his chin. 'I'd say this is almost too easy. But I am a genius.'

Switch rolled her eyes. 'I'll go and call those damn lackeys and get transport sorted out.'

'Just remember, _you're_ a lackey too.' His voice was menacing, almost verging on a threat, but Switch didn't take it too seriously. She did touch his precious keyboard after all. A man can get touchy about that sort of thing. Or maybe it was the caffeine withdrawal. The sludge that passed for coffee was barely drinkable and barely caffeinated.

It took some time to organise, but it also took some time for the cat to make her move.

Riddler had cameras everywhere; one of them was watching Catwoman as she started to crack the safe after beating up a number of unexpected guards.

Switch stood against the far wall of the adjoining building and listened to her instructions. The Cat had been caught. Two-Face was convening his newest recruits. Now was the time.

Switch nodded to Mannie and Zowie, the only two henchmen Riddler trusted not to pilfer from what they netted.

The knocks on the back door sounded overtly loud. The door was immediately pushed open by Paxton. He looked pale and frightened.

'Hurry, it's started.'

Crap.

They descended to the basement and found the first cell full of supplies, the second was a surprise. 'Calender man? Why the hell has Dent got you?'

The man looked up at her in sorrow. 'Green is associated with St. Patricks day. With the frost he kindled fire; Drove the snakes from brake and brier, Hurling out the writhing brood, With the lightning of his rood.'

'If you're just going to babble, then I'm just going to leave you to Dent.'

Up above them, cheers were erupting; she could hear Two-Face talking. They really didn't have long.

'We don't have time in any case.'

She moved over to the other cell, the one fit to bursting with crates of food. She pulled a tiny round bug from her pocket and inserted it into the lock. A tiny green question mark began to flash. With a click the door swung open and the question mark became an exclamation mark.

'Thirty days has September-'

'Oh give it a rest Julian!' Switch sighed. She began tossing boxes out as the cheering suddenly became an uproar.

Two-Face was talking again, only one word penetrated the thick floor, but it sent chills up her spine. 'Batman.' Paxton suddenly gasped and ran from the room.

The cell was cleared of food and, because Switch had a touch of evil, she left a glowing Riddler trophy before she locked it up again.

They were sprinting towards the door they'd come in, when Dent came around the corner and spotted her. Shit.

'Can just _anyone_ break in on me now?!' He pulled a gun and began to shoot as Switch dived out of the door.

She could hear him screaming for his gang as she hopped on the stocked pallet going up on a TYGER helicopter. Thank god for blackmail.

They'd got all of Dent's food. She had to give a laugh as they flew over the city.

The helicopter dropped them off on the roof of the Hideout. As Switch unloaded their pirated booty, she could hear Riddler's voice crackling through the radio. No doubt reassuring the crew their families were indeed safe and weren't going to join him in this hell.

It was a good score and would last them at least a few days. They weren't going to starve; now if she could just get the heaters to work this place might not be so terrible.

* * *

A/N: And that is why Two-Face and Riddler do not get along. At all.


End file.
